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The Grand Average

From the Rock Island Argus, September 8, 1913. By Henry Howland.

They claim that men are gittin’ so they don’t believe in hell,
And unless they’re makin’ money folks don’t think they’re doin’ well;
If all that people tell us of the human race is true
It would seem as though religion hasn’t got much left to do.
Here’s a book I’ve jest been readin’, and it says men’s god today
Ain’t the God our fathers worshiped in their pious, simple way.
And it’s true that men are crowdin’ for the money they can git
But I notice that the average is

I remember when most people thought old Nick would get ‘em sure
If they stole or lied or cheated or lived lives that wasn’t pure;
Still, in spite of thinkin’ that way, men would cheat you when they could;
Fearin’ that there was a devil didn’t seem to keep ‘em good.
I remember when folks used to set around, afraid, at night,
Thinkin’ that the old boy’d git ‘em if they didn’t do jest right.
But that didn’t stop the cheatin’, ner make thievin’ rascals quit,
And I reckon that the average is

It’s true a few are tryin’ to grasp all there is in sight,
And I know that men are cheatin’, they still cheer the ones that fight;
They have legislated Satan out of bizness, and they say
That our fathers didn’t worship the same God we do today;
Men are crowdin’ one another, and they crush and steal and lie,
Never fearin’ lakes of fire may be ready when they die,
But there’s others, oh my brothers, that still follow Christ, and it
Seems to me as though the average is

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