From the Rock Island Argus, August 4, 1914. By Henry Howland.

If I possessed an income, say,
    Of thirty thousand dollars yearly
And had it fixed in such a way
    That I could see it coming clearly;
If, whether I should work or not,
    The money kept on rolling to me,
I do not think a dismal thought
    Would ever stubbornly pursue me.

If such an income could be mine
    And I were young as well as wealthy,
If ladies thought my gifts divine,
    And I were handsome, too, and healthy,
If men should always speak of me
    In terms that were most eulogistic,
I don’t think I should ever be
    A fretful man or pessimistic.

If I had all the blessings which
    Lie out beyond my reach at present;
If I were handsome, young and rich
    And my surroundings were all pleasant,
I might have freedom from regret;
    The chances are, though, that I shouldn’t,
For still, no doubt, I’d long to get
    Some other something that I couldn’t.