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The Diplomat

From The Topeka State Journal, February 21, 1914. By Roy K. Moulton.

I’d like to be a diplomat and live in foreign climes,
For diplomats are made much of and have some glorious times.
A diplomat is always sought by potentates and kings.
They hang him full of medals and a number of such things.

A diplomat is one who can make black look just like white.
He talks about a wrong until you really think it’s right.
His language is so polished that it slips off from his tongue
So readily that you believe the song that he has sung.

He calls a man a liar, but his way gives no offense.
He makes the other party think hard names are compliments.
He is a master in the art of gentle subterfuge;
He has a nerve colossal and vocabulary huge.

But still I know that I will never be a diplomat,
I’m too much of a roughneck. I’m very sure of that.
For I have tried it many times and can’t, to save my life,
Fake up an explanation that will even fool my wife.

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