Press "Enter" to skip to content

Zeke Perkins’ New Machine

From the Rock Island Argus, March 24, 1915.

Old Zeke Perkins sold his hogs the other day,
And the gosh-durned fool threw his money right away.
Rode into town sitting right on a board,
And he came ridin’ home in a darned little Ford.
When he came to the house and got to the gate,
He shut down the throttle and he put on the brake,
He grabbed for the reins, got the throttle instead,
And the gol darned Ford kept a chugging ahead.

Old Zeke Perkins bought an automobile,
Old Zeke Perkins’ whiskers were red.
Old Zeke Perkins lost the combination
And the darn little Ford kept chugging right ahead.

Zeke jerked on the levers and he turned off the gas,
He kicked at the pedals and he broke out the glass,
He cut all the wires, and he pulled off the top,
But the gosh darned Ford it just wouldn’t stop.
He pulled out his knife and he smiled so serene,
Cut a hole in the tank, drained out the gasoline.
He pulled out his gun, shot the tires full of lead,
But the gol darned Ford kept chugging right ahead.

Went right through the fence and up through the lane;
Mirandy saw him coming and she like to went insane,
She ran out ahead, then she stopped to see,
And the Ford struck her squarely where the bustle ought to be.
She reached out her arm as she went in the air,
Just as Zeke went by she grabbed him by the hair;
She bounced on the seat, landed down in the bed,
And the gol darned Ford kept chugging right ahead.

He steered for the shed, but just missed the hole,
Struck an old pig and you ought to see it roll,
Out through the yard then they landed in a heap,
In a big muddy pool ‘bout six feet deep.
Zeke grabbed Mirandy and waded for the shore;
He was glad that it stopped and wouldn’t go no more.
He pricked up his ears then he looked back and said,
“Why, the gol darned Ford is chugging right ahead.”

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Mission News Theme by Compete Themes.