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From The Tacoma Times, December 1, 1913. By Berton Braley.

You mustn’t make fun of the Irish,
    You mustn’t get fresh with the Jew,
There’s always a fuss if you jest at the Russ,
    And to jape at the Dutch is taboo.
You must’t play jokes on the English,
    For they are a haughty clan—
But here is a mutt who’s a good-natured butt,
    The Patient Amer-i-can!

Hands off the polyglot races;
    You mustn’t offend them at all,
For they fly in a rage when burlesqued on the stage
    And threaten to burn down the hall.
So dare not to laugh at the German,
    The Swede or I-tal-i-an,
But laugh all you like at this good-natured Ike,
    The Patient Amer-i-can!

He doesn’t get choked up with choler,
    But cheerfully shells out his pelf
To pay for some play where they prove him a jay
    And bid him to laugh at himself.
He’d joke at his grave if fate let him,
    And yet—if you’re needing a man—
A regular friend who will stick to the end,
    You try the Amer-i-can!

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