From the Bisbee Daily Review, January 23, 1913. By Roy K. Moulton. The homeliest man I ever seen was Ebenezer Brown. He was a sort of a laughing stock for folks here in our town. The jokers all told Eben that his face would stop a clock. If he looked at a pan of milk, it turned sour from the shock. The gals all turned poor Eben down. They didn’t like his style. The pretty fellers had him beat by many a long mile. So Eb got mad and went away and stayed for quite a while, And managed to accumulate a neat and nifty pile. The pretty fellers stayed around and flirted with the girls And took ‘em to the huskin’s and the other social whirls. Not one of ‘em was doin’ much but livin’ with their folks, And settin’ in the grocery store and crackin’ funny jokes. One day Eb came back to town up on a private car. He had a diamond shirt stud that would twinkle like a star. He didn’t care for money and he blowed it right and left. He had a bank roll that a feller couldn’t hardly heft. He set the old folks up for life and told in modest style About the way he’d gone away and gathered in his pile. Eb was just as homely as he ever was before, Perhaps a little more so than he was in days of yore. But still it dawned upon the pretty fellers mighty quick That Eb would simply go among the girls and take his pick. He took a good long time to choose did Ebenezer Brown, And then he wed the prettiest gal in all the gol ding town.
The Homely Man