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The Result

From the Bisbee Daily Review, January 25, 1913.
 By Roy K. Moulton.

 Old Ez Jones don’t chaw tobacker, for he quit on New year’s day,
 And he’s grouchy as a grizzly with an achin’ tooth, they say.
 Henry Perkins, he quit smokin’ and he feels so tarnal mean
 That he’s tried to start a scrap with every feller he has seen.
 So old Ez and Hank they chanced to meet one day in Tibbitt’s store,
 And we saw a scrap the like of which we’d never seen before,
 For they broke up all the furniture and knocked the stovepipes down
 And they’ve both been laid up ever since and livin’ on the town.
 Abner Hanks has quit hard cider and he is so all fired cross
 That his wife has thrashed him seven times to show him who is boss.
 Amos Higgins cut out swearin’ and gives his feelings vent
 He has booted all the cats and dogs wherever he has went.
 Deacon Stubbs has sued Hi Maskins and Hi has sued the Deac
 On their old time line fence squabble and their families don’t speak.
 Both have swore off takin’ snuff and both are out for war,
 But they neither of ‘em seem to know just what they’re lawin’ for.
 Old Squire Hibbard has been busy tryin’ suits and fixin’ bail,
 And there’s sixteen cases waiting and there’s twenty men in jail.
 Never seen such scand-lus doin’s in this little village, quite.
 Seems like everybody’s peevish and is looking for a fight.
 Some is nervous, some is gloomy, some is desperit and so
 It doesn’t seem like the same old town we allus used to know.
 But I guess she will get righted and congenial when the men
 Who have all been swearin’ off start in to swearin’ on again.

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